


Just Like My Father

by LibraryMage



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Autistic Character, Autistic Ezra, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Father-Son Relationship, Found Family, Gen, Major Character Injury, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 21:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10052537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibraryMage/pseuds/LibraryMage
Summary: Maul goes after Kanan in another attempt to push Ezra farther down the path to the Dark Side.(content warning for character death, major character injury, major injury to a child, heavily implied threat of torture to a child, and general violence)





	

There was a _hiss_ of a lightsaber against flesh and a shout of pain as Kanan stumbled backward, one hand instinctively covering the burning wound across his chest.  The sound hit Ezra’s ears, searing itself into his mind.  Ezra began to rush toward Kanan, not caring that he was unarmed, as long as he could just get between Kanan and Maul.  But he wasn’t fast enough.  He stopped in his tracks, frozen and unable to help as the red blade pierced Kanan’s side and he fell to the ground.

Maul pushed his hand out, throwing Kanan across the room, slamming him into the wall.  Ezra could only stand there, paralyzed by shock, as his friend’s body hit the ground and lay there, perfectly still.

Finally, Ezra’s body started responding to his brain again and he ran forward, his gaze focused on Kanan, his thoughts a tangle of _no no please don’t let him be dead please no._

Ezra shoved past Maul and dropped to his knees at his master’s side, grabbing his shoulder and shaking him.  He felt no reaction, not the slightest hint that Kanan could feel his touch.

“No,” he whispered.  His hands shook as he felt the side of Kanan’s neck for a pulse.  “Please, no.”

The seconds inched by, each one feeling longer than the last, and Ezra felt nothing.  As he stared at Kanan’s limp, motionless form, tears began to sting his eyes.  He couldn’t be dead.  He just couldn’t.  Not now, not like this.

“Kanan, please,” he said, his voice catching in his throat.  But there was nothing.  No movement, no breath, no heartbeat.  Kanan was gone.

Ezra felt movement behind him and looked up to see Maul standing over him.

“Get away from him.”  Ezra barely recognized his own voice.  It was cold and distant and full of the pure, icy hatred that burned inside of his chest.

“Ezra --”

Ezra’s rage burst out of him like a dam breaking as he pushed out with the Force and shoved Maul back, away from him, away from Kanan.  As he stood, he instinctively reached for his lightsaber only to remember that Maul had taken it.  He caught sight of Kanan’s lying just a few feet away.  What better way for Maul to die than by Kanan’s blade?

Ezra reached out, calling the weapon to his hand only to feel something tighten around his throat.  He gasped for air and clawed at the unseen grip on his neck as he was lifted off the ground.  His back hit the wall and the hold on his throat was released.  Ezra dropped to the floor, barely feeling the jolt of pain as he hit the cold metal.  As he struggled to catch his breath, he looked up and saw Maul stalking toward him.

“If you’re gonna kill me, just do it,” Ezra said.  He barely cared anymore.  Kanan was dead, and if Maul killed him, too, at least the rest of the crew would finally be safe.

“I'm not going to kill you, Ezra,” Maul said.  “I can help you.”

“ _Help_ me?!” Ezra growled as he stood up.  His voice cracked as frozen spikes of rage slashed through his chest like broken glass cutting him open from the inside out.  He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t even _think._

With a wordless shout of fury, he swung at Maul, who effortlessly caught Ezra’s wrist before he could land a hit.  Ezra backed away, trying to break Maul’s grip on his arm, but he couldn’t pull way.

“You killed Kanan and you want me to believe you just want to _help_ me?”  His voice was quiet but full of rage as burning tears slid down his face.

“Ezra, I know you want to destroy the Sith,” Maul said, his hand tightening around Ezra’s wrist.  “And I am the only one who can help you do that.”

“No,” Ezra said.  “I don’t need you.”

“You can't do this alone.”  It was all Ezra could do not to physically recoil at the sound of his voice.  The way Maul was talking, it almost sounded like he was trying to comfort Ezra.  And maybe he really was, which just made Ezra hate him that much more.

“I wasn’t alone!” Ezra shouted, finally managing to break Maul’s hold on him.  “I wasn’t alone and if I am now, it’s because of you!”

“He couldn’t have helped you, Ezra,” Maul said.  “Not like I can.”

“No!” Ezra growled, trying to block out Maul’s voice.

“He was holding you back!”  Ezra shrank back from the sudden anger in Maul’s voice.  “Stopping you from realizing your full power.  All I've done is free you.”

“Stop,” Ezra muttered, shaking his head.

“You didn’t stand a chance of defeating the Sith while you were still his student,” Maul said.  “Your devotion to him and his teaching would have kept you from doing what needs to be done, and that would have gotten you killed.  I saved you from that fate.”

Ezra shook his head again.  He knew what Maul was doing, trying to get inside his head, trying to take advantage of his anger and grief and turn everything around in his head and get him to think Maul’s words made sense.  But didn’t they, almost?  No.  That’s just what Maul wanted him to think.  He wanted Ezra as his apprentice and he would say anything to get him to agree.

“Look at me, Ezra,” Maul said.

“No.”

“Look at me.”

Against his better judgement, Ezra looked up, blinking away tears as his eyes met Maul’s.

“The only way you can defeat the Sith is to do whatever it takes to destroy them,” Maul said, his voice low and almost soft.  “I can help you, but you need to let go of your attachment to him.”

Maul put a hand on Ezra’s shoulder.  Ezra flinched, but didn’t push him away.

“Destroying the Sith means saving the galaxy from them,” Maul said.  “Isn’t it worth giving up one person, whatever they meant to you?  Swear yourself to me as my apprentice and we can do this together.”

Ezra tore his gaze away from Maul and looked over at Kanan, still lying there, unmoving, lifeless, _gone._   Ezra pulled away from Maul and took a few shaky steps toward Kanan’s body.  He was almost surprised that Maul didn’t say anything, didn’t try to stop him.

Ezra stared down at Kanan for a moment, part of him hoping he’d been wrong, that Kanan was still somehow alive, but with each passing second, that hope faded.  As he stared at Kanan’s lifeless form, he felt things clicking together in his head, a plan forming, and he made his decision.

Ezra took a breath, steeling himself for what he was about to do.  Time seemed to slow down as he turned around to face Maul, turning his back on Kanan.  He stared at the floor as he forced himself to speak.

“You’re right,” Ezra said, his voice shaking.  “Defeating the Sith, saving the galaxy, is -- it’s more important than Kanan.  I need to let go of him and my Jedi training if I'm going to destroy the Sith, and I -- I need your help.”

As Maul took a step toward him, Ezra shoved down the uncertainty he felt.  He knew what he was doing.

“You’re making the right choice, Ezra,” Maul said.  He held out Ezra’s lightsaber toward him.  Ezra looked up, feigning a look of surprise as Maul did exactly what Ezra had hoped he’d do.

“Take it,” Maul said.  “I trust you.”

“That’s your mistake,” Ezra said as he grabbed the weapon from Maul’s hand.  As his fingers closed around the cold metal, he threw his other hand out, pushing back through the Force.  Maul stumbled backward a few feet.

“You fell for that?” Ezra asked.  He ignited his lightsaber, filling the room with brilliant green light.

“I will _never_ be your apprentice,” Ezra said, slowly advancing on Maul.  “I'm a Jedi.  Just like my father.”

An uneasy feeling settled in his chest when he realized Maul was smiling.

“Kanan Jarrus wasn’t the master or father you deserved,” he said.

Ezra felt a growl rise in his throat.  He knew Maul was trying to provoke him into doing something stupid and reckless.  And it worked.  Ezra’s rage drove him forward as he charged at Maul and brought his lightsaber slashing down through the air.

Maul ignited his own saber and brought it up just in time to stop Ezra’s attack.  Ezra gasped in pain as Maul kicked him in the stomach, which he’d left vulnerable with his high attack.  Ezra stumbled back and barely had time to regain his balance when Maul was suddenly right in front of him.  Ezra blocked Maul’s strike at his side only to realize it was a feint and just barely managed to dodge a slash at his leg.

“You _will_ become my apprentice, Ezra,” Maul said, driving Ezra backward toward the wall with another downward slash of his blade.  “One way or another.”  He brought his blade down and Ezra caught it on his own.  Maul pushed down, trying to make Ezra drop his weapon.  Ezra pushed back.  Maul broke off his attack and Ezra lost his balance again without the resistance of his enemy’s blade.

“I’d wanted it to be your choice,” Maul said, forcing Ezra to dive to the side to avoid his next attack.  Maul was moving fast, too fast for Ezra to track his movements properly.  All he could do was try to keep his blade up to block the blows Maul was raining down on him from all angles.

“I didn’t want to have to force you into anything,” he continued.  “But you’ve left me no other choice.”

“I’d rather die than join you,” Ezra said.  He felt metal slam into his spine -- how had Maul gotten behind him? -- he fell forward, hitting the ground.  He rolled onto his back just in time to block Maul’s downward attack, gritting his teeth with the effort it took to keep that red blade away from his chest.

“I'm still not going to kill you,” Maul said.  “But I don’t need to.  There are plenty of other ways to make you suffer.”

Ezra switched his lightsaber off and rolled out of the way as the red blade cut into the floor where he’d been just seconds before.  He switched his weapon on again as he jumped to his feet and slashed at Maul’s back.  Maul turned and dodged Ezra’s attack easily before slashing at Ezra’s arm, finally landing a hit on the boy.

Ezra’s lightsaber clattered to the ground.  His hand instinctively went to the wound just below his shoulder.  It wasn’t deep, but it burned with the worst pain Ezra had ever felt.  His eyes flitted to his lightsaber, but before he could make a move to retrieve it, he felt himself being lifted off the ground.  Maul threw him backward, slamming him into the floor.  Ezra gasped for breath, the impact having knocked the air right out of his lungs.

As he saw Maul approaching him, he reached out, pulling his lightsaber toward him.  But before it could reach him, Maul caught it in the air.

Ezra scrambled backward, his mind racing as he tried to think of something, _anything_ he could do to defend himself.

His frantic train of thought was suddenly cut off by pain that ripped through this chest.  He could barely breathe.  He felt a loud _crack_ and cried out as he felt a new stabbing pain in his side.  As the crushing pain in his chest let up, Ezra slumped to the ground, his breathing heavy and ragged as air flooded back into his lungs.  Each time he inhaled, he felt that stabbing pain shoot through his side.

Ezra tried to get his feet back under him and stand up.  Maybe if he just found an escape route…

Just as he managed to start moving, he felt that crushing pressure on his chest again.  This time he was thrown backward, slamming against the wall.  He struggled against the weight on his chest and throat that pinned him to the wall.  The edges of his vision started to blur just as he was released and fell to the floor.

Ezra could only lay there, unable to move, as Maul approached.  As he stared up at Maul, Ezra was forced to face the truth.  He wasn’t going to win this fight.  He’d done exactly what Kanan had always warned him against.  He’d let his anger and fear and pain drive his actions and he’d gotten himself into a battle he couldn’t possibly win against an enemy he knew he should never have faced alone.

It was over.  He knew it the way he knew that the sun would rise in the morning.  It just _was_.  He couldn’t defeat Maul, he’d been beaten, and with Kanan gone, he was alone.  Maul was going to take him somewhere Hera and the others would never find him.  Maul would find some way to break him and Ezra would be forced to be the apprentice of the man who’d murdered his father.

 _Kanan, I'm sorry._   It was a feeling more than a thought.  _I tried.  I'm so sorry._

Part of him wondered if it wouldn’t be easier to just give up now and spare himself the pain Maul would put him through.  But he wouldn’t do it.  He couldn’t.  The one thing Ezra could still do for Kanan was to resist as long as he could.

He shut his eyes, bracing himself and gritting his teeth against the pain.  Maybe he’d get lucky and unconsciousness would come soon and at least stop him from thinking of what would happen next.

There was a familiar sound, the _clash_ of one lightsaber against another.  Ezra opened his eyes and saw -- no.  It couldn’t be.  He must have passed out.  He had to be dreaming.

Kanan stood between him and Maul, their blades locked together.

Ezra wouldn’t let himself believe it.  Kanan was dead.  Ezra had watched him die.  This had to be a dream or a hallucination or some cruel trick Maul was playing on him, making him see something that wasn’t there.

But then he spoke, and Ezra knew it was really him, even though his voice held cold, venomous hatred that Ezra had never heard coming from Kanan before.

“Get away from my son.”

Kanan broke off his attack and lunged forward, his blade aimed right at Maul’s heart.  Ezra stared in shock as Kanan drove Maul back, away from him.  He caught sight of his lightsaber lying forgotten on the ground.  He reached out and pulled it to him as he stood, wincing at the stabbing pain in his side.  He saw his chance and took it, activating his blade and rushing forward.

Maul blocked Kanan’s strike at his chest and kicked the side of the Jedi’s knee, forcing him to lose his balance and knocking him to the ground.  Ezra picked up speed, getting between them just in time to block Maul’s lightsaber as he slashed at Kanan’s neck.  Ezra felt movement behind him as Kanan stood and lashed out, his lightsaber cutting into Maul’s leg.

Sparks flew as Maul stumbled backward.  Kanan and Ezra took advantage of his distraction and acted together, _shoving_ with the Force and throwing Maul back against the opposite wall.  They dropped him, and he stayed down, slumped on the floor, not moving.

Ezra and Kanan approached their fallen enemy cautiously, knowing he could easily be lulling them into a false sense of security.  But as they got closer, nothing happened.

Ezra stared down at Maul.  He was unconscious, not dead.  Not yet anyway.  Ezra raised his lightsaber, ready to end this once and for all.  Maul would never hurt him or his family again.  He swung his blade down only for another lightsaber to crash against it, blocking him.

“Kanan, what are you doing?” Ezra growled.

“Ezra, he isn’t worth it,” Kanan said.

“Yes, he is!” Ezra shouted.  How could Kanan even say that after everything Maul had done to both of them?  “If anyone’s worth it, it’s him!”

Rage welled up in his chest, not just at Maul, but at Kanan.  All Ezra wanted to do was protect his family -- _their_ family, and getting rid of Maul was the only way to make sure they were safe.  And Kanan was trying to stop him.  Didn’t he want the others to be safe, too?

“Ezra --”  Kanan’s voice broke off, and that’s when Ezra realized Kanan was shaking.  With his injuries, it was a miracle he’d managed to stay on his feet this long.  Ezra took a step back, lowering his weapon and switching it off.  That fury still burned in his chest, and he wanted nothing more than to see Maul dead, but he wasn’t about to fight Kanan over it.

“He has to pay for what he did,” Ezra said, his voice cracking.  He was suddenly so tired.  Tired of everything.

“He will,” Kanan said, switching off his own saber.  “But not like this.  It doesn’t have to be you.”

Ezra’s shoulders slumped.  “What do we do now?” he asked.

“We call Hera,” Kanan said.  “Tell her --” his words were cut off again, this time by a gasp of pain.  He caught himself against the wall before he fell, one hand flying to the wound in his side.

“Kanan!”  Ezra rushed to his master’s side, but Kanan waved him off.

“I'm okay,” he said.  “I'm okay.”  But he clearly wasn’t.  The adrenaline from the fight was wearing off and he was starting to feel his injuries.  Ezra was amazed he was still conscious.  Then again, only minutes ago he had been dead, or so close to it the distinction didn’t really matter.  And that’s when it hit him.  Kanan hadn’t been dead.  Not really.

“You heard everything,” Ezra said.

“I did,” Kanan said, a smile crossing his face in spite of everything.  “And I'm proud of you, son.”

But that wasn’t where Ezra’s mind had gone.  He was suddenly vividly remembering the words he’d said to Maul to trick him into thinking he was giving in.  He couldn’t stop thinking about what must have gone through Kanan’s head as he heard Ezra ask Maul for help turning his back on his family.  Something tightened in his chest as he was suddenly overcome with fury at Maul for putting him in that position, for being responsible for Kanan hearing that.

Ezra felt something inside him that was like glass starting to crack.  As he turned around, he ignited his lightsaber and sunk the glowing green blade into Maul’s chest.

He dropped his weapon as a storm of conflicting emotions crashed around inside his head.  Relief.  It was over.  It was really, finally over.  Maul was dead.  He would never hurt anyone again.  Shame.  Once again, he’d done exactly what Kanan told him not to do.  He’d killed an unarmed, unconscious enemy in cold blood.  Fear.  What would Kanan think?  What would Kanan _do_?

“Ezra.”  He flinched as he felt Kanan’s hand on his arm.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered.

“No,” Kanan said, putting his arms around Ezra and holding him close.  “Don’t.  I didn’t want this for you, but I don’t blame you for doing it.”

“I'm sorry,” Ezra repeated, beginning to shake as tears formed in his eyes.  He knew there were other things he wanted to say, but these were the only words he could form.

“It’s okay, son,” Kanan said.  “It’s over now.”


End file.
